You "Don't" Say.... (Part 1)

Bradley and I are approaching our 2nd wedding anniversary. We assume that most couples two years in have not had the opportunity to experience all of the life changes we have (i.e.  starting a business, getting married, having a baby, leaving a career, buying a house).  Tackling all of these things within our first two years of marriage has been no easy feat.

These are all things that this man I love, this man that God planned for me, this incredibly giving and generous man, has opened his mouth and said to me over the last 2 years. We actually wrote this blog together...sort of. He gave me "the list" and I provided the commentary. I love him more every single day.  I can't imagine my life without him.  And I hope he has learned as much in these last 2 years as I have. I will be in big trouble if he ever decides to write a blog...

1. "Are you mad at me?"

This is Bradley's favorite. Clearly the man is wise to my ways, because he can tell when I am even the slightest bit miffed. Well, now that you mentioned it sweetheart, yes, I am mad at you. Why on earth would you ever say this to a woman? Of course I am mad at you. Give me a minute and I will tell you why...

If you just assume that I am always mad at you for something, you may find yourself on the fun side of "making up" more often (wink, wink). 

2. "Can you sew up my pants?"

Bradley's job takes him outside a lot. He has several pair of "field pants" that have special legs that keep him from getting scratched by plants, bitten by bugs, and swallowed by quicksand, I imagine. His cheapness, however, prevents him from replacing these pants when they need  to be replaced. You have obviously lost your dang mind if you ask this one. Sure dear. In between serving dinner, cleaning up from dinner, feeding the dogs, cleaning up the dog pee, changing the diapers and washing your disgusting clothes, I would be more than happy to {watch a Martha Stewart YouTube video and} sew your pants. 

3.  "I understand."

Excuse me while I freaking LOL.  In no way will you ever even have the slightest clue, inkling or idea. You most definitely do not understand. Until you grow ovaries, breastfeed an infant, or have to shave your legs (in the summer), you will never understand. 

4. "I am so tired/exhausted/worn out." 

Oh really? So then you aren't the one who began snoring at 8 pm? Did you get up with the baby at 11pm, 12am, 1am (you get the idea)? Did you have to get up at 4am because your boobs hurt so bad and literally connect yourself to a machine that squeezes milk from your body?  Please.

5.  "You need to ______."

You obviously have a death wish if you utter these words. Let me tell you what I need to do. I need to sleep, pee, poop, eat, and shower. Just know that whatever you think I need to do will likely never happen if you say it out loud. 

6. "It's freezing in here."

I'm so sorry you are cold. Let me go adjust the thermostat to the 8th-level-of-purgatory hotness that would make you comfortable. Never mind that I have to sleep with a nursing bra on, spend half of the night with a child wrapped around me, and lay next to your body, which, while I love, tends to send out heat rays that would challenge the fires of hell. 

7.  "Your hormones are all out of whack."

Can you even tell me which part of my body these hormones generate from? That's what I thought. I welcome you to spend 9 months growing a child, eating for two, making dozens of visits to the doctor, and creating a "birth plan," only to have 1 minutes notice before you are put to sleep, your body is cut open, and a human being is taken out and almost immediately attached to your breast. Then we can talk about my hormones. 

***Before anyone gets bent out of shape over any of this, I have to tell you that Bradley is truly my best and most devoted  friend. I would never say anything that would hurt him, so I let him read all of my blogs before I publish them. This one was actually his idea, because we can look back on our experience as newlyweds and first time parents and we can laugh about it. We can cry too, but mostly we can laugh. These past 2 years have taught us so much about ourselves, our marriage, and our faith in God's plan over our plans. There is no one on earth that I would rather spend this life with, no one I would rather parent with, and no one I would rather tell to think before he speaks. 

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth."  1 John 3:18