The (!@#$%) Grocery Store

I decided to make this an interactive blog post, so you're welcome to add your own expletive depending on your level of hatred for the grocery store.  On a scale of 1 to we-are-growing-all-of-our-own-food-so-we-never-have-to-shop-again, I'm ready to start planting!

Before I get to our trip today, I need to take you back to the weekend.  My darling husband bought me an awesome juicer.  To "motivate" his purchase, I told him about all the cool baby stuff I could do with it (homemade fruit snacks...hello!)  and the totally-worth-it juice diet I want to start (at a future date, of course).  Honestly, I was more excited about seeing the juice you could get out of lettuce...seriously? He bought said juicer and it arrived yesterday in all of it's juicy glory.  (Note of warning: Amazon Prime is spawn of the devil.  Get a huge juicer on your doorstep in 2 days...yes, please!  If anyone has heard of an AP rehab program please let me know.)

Jump to present day.  Em and I have been going stir crazy and we were ready to bust out of the house today. Our plan was to go have lunch with Bradley, then head to the Fancy, Hippy-Dippy-Doo Grocery Store.  We don't shop there all the time, but there are a few things we like to get there and today seemed the perfect day to go.  Plus, Dr. Oz and mom blogs galore (legit sources, right?)highly recommend buying organic, so why not spend twice as much on things for my daughter to throw at me during dinner?

The first mistake I made was calling my mother.  We typically talk every day and just check-in.  We're chatting and she says she's meeting her sisters for lunch and then babysitting my nephews so my sister-in-law can go to the grocery store.  I tell her we're going grocery shopping too, but I can't imagine having to shop with 2 littles like Aryn would have to.  I then proceed to brag about how WELL-BEHAVED my (almost) toddler is in the grocery store. 

Before we left for the Fancy Store, I was texting my other sister-in-law about my new juicer.  She tells me I HAVE to get my juicing produce from Aldi.  So, we add Aldi to our list of places to go.  Turns out, she was right, which she usually is.  Plus, she's BOSSy.

5 bags of "juicy" produce - $40 at Aldi

We have a great lunch with Bradley and everything at Aldi goes great.  We move on to the Fancy Store.  My best guess is that about 4 feet into the store my daughter lost her mind.  She was OVER being in the buggy!  We make it through produce and meat and then we get to the baby aisle.  She helps me pick out some pouches (because this mama gave up on making baby food after about a month of her not eating it). Because I will not open the pouch and let her eat it, she screams at the top of her lungs for the next 8 aisles, so I carry her (I know. I'm weak) the rest of the trip.

 

By the grace of God, we make it to checkout.  This is where, believe it or not, things get really hairy.  I am promptly shamed by the bag fellow because I didn't bring my own bags.  We may shop at the Hippy-Dippy-Doo store from time to time, but our level of Hippy-Dippy-Doo-ness is not to the point of bringing our own paper packaging to the grocery store. The poor old lady checking me out sees my screaming child and, graciously, comes over to help me put groceries on the conveyor thing. She even tells me how beautiful she is, bless her heart. 

At this point, a very old couple has gotten behind us in line.  They are making sweet faces at Em and cooing at her, like old folks do. Right on cue, my wallet falls and out spills anywhere from $10-$15 one dollar bills. Now, I know that these bills are leftover hands from a family game night of Left, Right, Center.  The elderly couple behind me, the judging bag boy and the checkout lady, however, do not know this.  By their looks, I know they assume I do my day work as a stay-at-home mother and moonlight as an exotic dancer. Bless. I bend over, child in arms, to pick up my dollar bills.  The (now known as sweet) bag boy asks if I need help out, which I readily accept.  He packs my car.  We leave.

3 bags from "Fancy" - about $3,000

Thank you for sticking through my rant.  I really dislike the grocery store.  I really, really dislike grocery store shopping with a toddler.  My mother may soon find herself with 3 children to babysit on grocery store days.  This mama may soon find herself wine-ing instead of juicing. I'll use organic grapes, of course.

P.S. Em was asleep before we left the "fancy" parking lot.