TWO

In preparation for this post, I started reading quotes about parenthood. There are so many out there. Most of them are those feel good, children-are-the-world types of quotes. A few examples...

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

"Your children become who you are, so be who you want them to be."

and my personal favorite...

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

You feel good now, don't you? Told ya so. Today wasn't one of those "feel good" mommy days for me (and if I'm honest, neither was yesterday), so I looked up "funny quotes about parenthood" instead. For your reading pleasure...

"If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly just say: RECALCULATING."

"I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children."

And this gem...

"Turns out, I'm the mom most likely to teach the neighborhood kids how to swear."

If you care enough to read this, then you know that we recently added a baby to our family.  While we were waiting for Adley to arrive, we got lots of (mostly unsolicited) information about how families handled having more than one child.  There is the camp that believes going from zero to one child is the hardest. Then there are those that believe going from one child to two children is the most difficult.  Lastly, there are those folks who claim that any children after #2 are a piece of cake. Lunatics. 

Emma meeting Adley at the hospital was about the most precious thing I've ever witnessed. I just knew that this was going to be amazing, having two children. We were going to rock being #girlparents. They were going to be the best of friends. Emma was going to be such a big helper while Adley is small and needs lots of attention. And better yet, Emma would be so understanding of that as well, because two year olds are totally rational. 

I feel certain that the good nurses at the hospital were passing out a lot more than just Ibuprofen. We came home and, for a few weeks, life was bliss. Bradley stayed home for several days until we were both ready for him to go back to work. Emma was at preschool in the mornings. She'd nap when she came home and then we had the afternoons to play. Bradley came home at a reasonable time and cooked dinner (thank you, Hello Fresh).  Life was good. We were navigating life as a family of four with grace and ease. 

I can't tell you the exact moment when the proverbial (and lots of times literal, because babies) s#*t hit the fan, but it hit hard. Sometime between late May-early July, we entered into a time that we thought we'd avoided. Calling this phase of child development the "Terrible Two's" is generous. Each new day brought with it a fresh form of hell that we had no idea how to deal with. Temper tantrums, meltdowns, hissy fits, whining that she's hungry but refusing to eat, the list could go on and on and on. Around this same time, we thought it best to start potty training this feral child. Oh, and "monsters" entered her world, and apparently EVERY room in our home.

Bradley likes to tell people that, most days, he comes home to find me in a standoff with a miniature version of myself. It's a battle of wills that she usually wins. My husband is exactly right. This girl is me up one side and down the other. Well played, karma. We battle every day, but I am learning to choose those battles wisely. 

Bradley told me the other day that he knows how Bill Murray's character felt in the movie Groundhog Day. Parenting is kind of like that. Wake, feed, play, thank Jesus for nap time, keep children alive, attempt to cook dinner (see survival technique in photo below and proceed to call CPS), feed, bathe, survive until bedtime, sleep. Repeat.

Old-ish people like to tell new-ish parents that time goes by so quickly; that we will miss these days when they are older. They are probably right. I know, eye roll, middle finger, etc., etc., etc. If you're like me,  the mere utterance of that word, "TWO," sets you on edge. Whether it be the age of your toddler or the number of children reeking havoc on your home, two, it seems, is a blessing and a curse. Consider these few thoughts...

TWO: the number of times a week someone will ask you if you're going to have another baby.
    Rumor has it, this thing is still MY UTERUS. I'll let you good folks know if and when it decides to change the sign to "vacancy."

TWO: the amount of hours, per night, of sleep that you will get. This is an average. Here's hoping yours is higher.

TWO: The number of week nights you will send your husband this text: "Bring wine or die."

TWO: The number of pairs of braces, cars, college educations  and ridiculous weddings you'll have to pay for.

TWO: The number of times per day that you text your mother a photo asking, "Is this normal?" Also, the number of times you search Google to reassure yourself that, yes, that thing you were about to do or feed them WILL give them cancer/brain damage/etc.

And after you've considered all of that, remember this...

TWO: The precious hours before waking and after bedtime that you get to just be "Mandy" instead of "mama."

TWO: The number of times she asks you to sing "Purple Jesus" at night while she hums along and wraps those perfect little arms around you.

TWO: The kisses you get from your husband each day. One to say "I'm cheering for you today. You've got this." And the last to say, "You did good, babe. Thank you."

TWO: The opportunities you forget to thank God for all of it. The chaos, the mess, the love, the life you have.

and...

TWO: The number of times you'd do it all over again, if given the chance, because it really does go by so fast.

My sweet mommy friends: savor it, soak it all in, and for Heaven's sake, tell someone when it's hard, because that is how we teach each other how to be better. And when it's just too much, too hard, and the days are too long, remind yourself that someday, not too far down the road, you'll have two (or one, or more) real, live human beings walking around out there in the big, wide world, thankful that you are their mama.



~Proverbs 31:30~

Sister

For my precious girl

My dearest Emma,

     You're only two, but I know that you've noticed Mommy crying a lot lately. I know this because you always take my face in your sweet little hands and say "You okay, Mommy?" Lately, I've been telling you that I am crying because I am so happy.   It's true. I am so happy, but I am a little sad too, which I think is "normal" and okay, but I want you to know why.

     In a few days, you're going to become a Big Sister. I know that you won't remember that day or anything about it. You won't remember coming to the hospital, seeing your sister for the first time or holding and kissing her.  You won't remember the absolute joy that will be radiating from me and from Daddy.  It's okay that you won't remember. We'll tell you all about it many, many times.

Up until now, it's been me and you. I tell your daddy all the time that you're my "little bestie." We do everything together. We have gotten in a groove and routine and it works perfectly for us. You go to school a few days, then we have the afternoons to play. On the days you stay home we get to do whatever we want. It's the best life, getting to be with you everyday and watch you learn and grow.  

In a few days, our routine is going to change quite a bit. It won't be like that forever, but it will be different for a while.  This is the part that makes mommy a little sad. There will be times that we can't just go do whatever we want and times that we can't spend as much time together as before.  I know that you won't remember life before your sister arrived, but I will, and I'm going to miss it a little. However, I cannot wait for the day that you, me and your sister can explore and adventure together every day.

These past two years with you have been the best time of my life. I need you to know that.  I need you to know that I know why God picked you to be my girl, and for me to be your mama.  Every time I look at you I notice how much you look like your daddy, but when I watch you play and laugh and just live life, I see so much of myself. God knew that I needed a little girl who had her daddy's go-with-the-flow attitude but just enough of her mama's stubbornness and independence to make her an individual.  That's you kiddo. And you're the most perfect thing that I've ever laid eyes on.

As our lives are changing with the arrival of your little sister, I want you to remember that you are the one who made me a mama.  You have helped me learn patience that I never thought I possessed. You have helped me learn who I am and what I was put on Earth to do. You have helped me become better...a better wife, a better daughter, just better. Most importantly, you have taught me to love deeper than I ever dreamed of.

I will never forget these two years that we've had together, just the two of us. I will cherish them for the rest of my life.  Words can't describe how excited I am to watch you become a big sister. I know that you are going to be amazing at this new job of yours. I can't wait for all the fun that we're going to have together...just the three of us, and Daddy, when we let him join in.

You will always, always be my baby girl. Nothing will ever change that. My prayer for you, as you enter this time of transition, is that you and your sister will have a bond that is unshakeable. I pray that the two of you will be the best of friends. I pray that the two of you will never forget how important the other is to you. I pray that you will both always know that out of everything that Daddy and I have done, the two of you stand far and above as the proudest and best things.

Thank you for being my girl and for letting me be your mama.

I love you more than the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the sky.

~Mommy

Going Through The "BIG D" (By Way of Dallas)

"And I made a vow that day 

That I'd spend the rest of my life

Loving my Jesus,

Showing my scars;

Telling my story of how mercy

can reach you wherever you are."

~Casting Crowns

I have this best friend. She and I are so alike, and yet so very different. I have been encouraging her to write her stories. I have told her how healing it can be to put pen to paper. She, on the other hand, has recently encouraged me to shut up. She reminded me that listening is different than hearing. I had listened to this song before, but this morning I actually heard it. That's the inspiration for this little blog.  I'm sharing my scars. This scar has long been healed, but I felt a burden on my heart to share my story, just in case someone out there needed to actually hear it.

I graduated college in 2006 (yes, that's the 5 year plan if you're doing the math).  I had my degree. I had a job. I had a boyfriend that I'd been dating for a while. Check. Check. Check. 

About a year into my career we got engaged. I planned a huge wedding. We got married and lived happily ever after. Check. Check. Nope.

Like most driven women at the know-it-all age of 25, I felt the need to check boxes off. Like a to-do list for my life, I needed to do the things that society expected of me. Graduate college. Get a job. Get married. I thought check marks next to list items equated to happiness.

The thing is, I wasn't happy. The shimmer and shine of that fairy tale wedding quickly faded into a life that was not the perfect marriage that I had imagined, prayed for even. We were two people thrust into something neither of us were ready for, and, if we're being honest, neither of us really wanted to work for. 

We barely made it to the 2 year mark when it was clearly time to throw in the towel.  Now I found myself nearing 30 and going through a divorce.  The aftermath was exactly what you'd expect. I went through all of the stages of grief. 

1. Denial - This wasn't happening to me. How could this happen to me? I checked all the boxes. I'd done everything right.

2. Anger - Why didn't he work harder? Why didn't we love each other anymore? Did we really ever love each other at all?

3. Bargaining - God, please don't do this to me. I'll try harder. I'll change. 

4. Depression - No one will ever love me again. I am used. I am unloveable. I am not capable of having a real relationship. I am going to be alone forever.  My life is over.

5. Acceptance - It's not so bad being alone. I would rather be by myself than in an unhappy marriage. 

I would be lying if I told you life after divorce was roses. It wasn't. There were days when I had to drag myself out of bed and go to work. I had to force a smile, because kindergarteners didn't understand that I wasn't in the mood to be happy that day. I had to be cheery all day and then go home and feel completely sorry for myself. The thing was, I didn't feel sorry that my marriage was over; I felt sorry that I had failed. I felt sorry that I couldn't make him love me. I felt sorry that I felt sorry.

I had to reach the very bottom of "rock bottom." I can't tell you the moment when that happened, but it happened. One day I woke up and I wasn't sad anymore. One day I woke up and I didn't feel sorry for myself. One day I woke up and it didn't hurt. That day I thought would never come...it came.

This blog is not intended to be a self-help excerpt. It's not to discourage people from getting married young. It's not to bash my ex-husband. This blog is about mercy.  

At one point, after my divorce, I came to the realization that, no matter who it was that I'd married, I would have never been happy. I expected my happiness to be a direct result of the things he did. When that didn't happen, I was let down and sad. So I started to see life differently.

Everyday I woke up, went to work, and was surrounded by sweet little smiling faces who were eager to hug me, love me and learn from me. Mercy

I was surrounded by family, friends and coworkers who were a force of prayer and a source of comfort for me. Mercy

I was prayerful and God was responsive. I talked. He listened. I reconnected. I realized. I healed. Mercy

I allowed myself to fall apart, but God didn't allow me to fall to pieces. I allowed myself to feel all the hard things, but God reminded me of the good. I allowed myself to hurt, but God allowed me to heal. Mercy

I allowed myself to feel like a failure at love, but in the end, I learned to love myself. I loved the person I was. I loved the me I'd always been. I loved that God didn't want me to change for anyone but Him. Mercy

I have since found out things about my first marriage that would have broken me. After all this, nearly 2 years later, I met Bradley. Discovering things then stung a little, but they didn't break me. Mercy

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. I wouldn't willingly put myself in a marriage that was doomed to fail. But I don't have it to do all over again, and thank God for that. Mercy

I have a husband who has been through a divorce as well. I don't have to be ashamed of that word with Bradley. We talked about it freely when we first started dating. We needed to talk about it. It was part of our healing and moving forward together. We made a pact a long time ago never to compare each other to the ones who came before. We never have. There is just no comparison. Mercy

So now that I've shown my scars, I hope the right person sees them. I hope that you'll find healing in whatever it is that is burdening you. 

GRANDS

I am writing this two days after what would have been my "Pretty Paw Paw's" 86th birthday. This is not a memorial or an unspoken eulogy. This is just my way of loving on my grandparents. I was graciously given 5 of them at birth. I lost the first when I was 17. I wear the rings of one I was never lucky enough to meet. They all have stained my heart...

Mamie
I never got to meet my great grandma Mamie. I wear her rings on my left hand every single day.  When I look down at them, I think of her. I hear that she was strong-willed, but effortlessly classy. I also hear that I favor her a bit, and I love that. I miss her, even though I never knew her.

Ernest
The one great grandparent I was blessed with was Ernest. He later added his middle initial and was eternally known as E.F.G. I think I get my humor from this man. If my calculations are correct, he was 73 when I was born. I have seen photos of him staring at me through hospital glass. Everyone says that his was the first name I called out..."PawPaw Uhnest."  I remember going to his little house and playing dress up with his coats and hats. I remember the smell of a hot stove while he was working on canning vegetables. I remember rocking on his porch (on a glider than now belongs to me) and watching cars pass by. I remember him asking me if I'd studied "arithmetic" at school. I remember that red jacket and coat he always wore at Christmas. I remember that little dish of rubber bands you kept in your kitchen that I always played with (your great-great granddaughter now loves to play with that dish). Classy and charismatic until the very end.

Floyd
This one hurts my heart. Sept. 2 would have been his 86th birthday. He died when he was 69. I was 17. It was the hardest thing that I'd ever had to face at the time. My Paw Paw loved to read. He always asked me what I was reading, and even more importantly, what I was writing. He loved reading what I wrote. He loved telling me how much he enjoyed it. He told me that I should write children's books. He literally looked at me and said this. I was a child. I wasn't even thinking of being a teacher at this point. One day I will fulfill his wish. I fully believe he sent me many, many mentors to guide me in that direction.

Maxine
Oh, Margie! She hated that name, by the way, so that is why she was lovingly referred to by her middle name, Maxine, or "Mac." Granny, as I knew her, loved fiercely. If you had a bad haircut, a bad outfit, or (in my case) a bad husband, she was telling you about it in the most loving way she could muster. During my divorce I felt awful. I felt like everyone in the world was judging me. My precious granny saw me through it. She got me. She stood by me. And after about 2 years she said, "Do you really want to be an old maid school teacher?" I promise you people, I met Bradley not 2 days later. And can I just tell you...Maxine LOVED her children and her grands, but she LOVE, LOVE, LOVED the ones we picked to marry (Kevin, Randy, Sheri, Eddy, Bo). So this woman ADORED Bradley. She called him "Luckey." She told me I was lucky to have him. My last memories are of B coming home and asking if we could go take Granny to eat at LaHa.

Emma was born on 2/4/15. Granny died on 3/27/15. She had a month. My granny got to hold that baby and tell her how much she looked like that "handsome Luckey." My girl got to sit in the bed with her Great Granny at Hospice House a month later and give her some of the last memories she had. I will savor those moments for the rest of my life. I will miss that woman for the rest of my days. I think about her every day. God's promises are real. This was her favorite verse:

"But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."
Joshua 22:5

Betty
Y'all. She is 86. She takes swim classes. She manages a business. She is the matriarch of our family. She loves Doo Wap music. She plays the piano. She could straight up school you on anything about the Bible. She's my grandma. She is Emma's great-grandma. And honestly, she is the coolest 'old chick' you will ever meet. My grandma raised 3 boys, so when I came around I think she just kind of had a bit of a FREAK OUT! and we've been joined at the hip ever since. She calls me Mandy Jo. She takes me on shopping trips (still!) But most of all, she ADORES my little girl and they play the piano together every Wednesday.  Seeing these two together every week is music to my soul. They just get each other. 

Fred
I am going to be completely honest. Out of all of these 5, I am the most like him. Take us or leave us. Good AND bad. If you know Fred, you know what I mean. I am fairly certain that when I was born, this man's world changed forever. He'd raised 3 sons and now he had a granddaughter. Out of every person in my life, this man has always made me feel like I was the Princess. I didn't deserve it, but he gave it to me. And if that weren't enough, I was dad's princess too. But now, I have this girl. We visit Fred every Wednesday without fail. He looks at her with the most sincere eyes. He prays that the days will come when she wants to spend the night with them (and they most certainly will). He wishes that she smiles with reason and laughs with hope. 

***

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first. ~Lois Wyse

The One About Friendship...

A few weeks ago, as we were leaving the nursery at church, a sweet little girl we know said, "Bye, Emma." It seems silly, but this made me all kinds of emotional.  Emma had her first friend.  It made me so excited to think about my daughter making new friends as she grows from a baby to a little girl.  I've been thinking a lot about my friends, past and present, and how they've helped me become the person, and in some cases, the mother that I am today.

It's so true that friends come and go throughout our lives, but I like to think that the ones who mattered most (at whatever stage in life) leave us with footprints, stamps, bad tattoos, scars (literally), old t-shirts, and many, many memories.  It is my prayer that my sweet little girl will be as fortunate as I have been in the friendship department.  I hope and pray everyday that she will meet the friends that bring out her fun side, the ones that hold her accountable, and the ones that God planned for her since the beginning of time.

Below is a list of all of the types of friends that I've had, and the types of friends that I hope and pray my girl meets along her journey through life. I've attempted to write it as a letter, of sorts, to my daughter, in hopes that she will one day relate to the friendships that I've had.  I hope that one day she'll know the love of the types of friends, and that she will know how much these very friends of mine love her.

In an effort to not straight up call them out by name, I've dubbed each of them with a nickname.  Since this one is about friendship, I've also given them nicknames modeled after one of my favorite shows.  (Friends fans will get it.)  I hope you each know who you are and how dear you are to me.

1.  The One You Were "Born" With: I heard a quote once about cousins.  It was something along the lines of them being our first best friends.  How true this is.  Whether your cousin/best friend is older or younger, being born in the same family at around the same time makes you instant best friends for life.  This is the best friend who knows exactly how weird your family is, because they are a part of it.  They were there to hear about your first day of school, your first kiss, your graduation, your wedding, and everything in between.  Maybe you don't get to see them as often as you'd like, but nothing changes the bond that you have with your first best friend.

2. The One Who Is Your "OLDEST" Friend: I should clarify.  This friend is probably not your oldest friend, but she's the one you've known the longest.  You journeyed through the ups and downs of junior and senior high school together.  You might have even went to college together, which was where the real fun started.  She could be the complete opposite of who you are, but that could also be what has drawn you to one another for over 20 years of friendship.  She keeps you up-to-date on fashion trends, she signs you up for 5K's that you don't want to do, makes you wear ridiculous shoes at her wedding (you were probably even there the night she met her future husband), but she would give you the shirt off of her back if you needed it.  She came back home after college, like you did, and you've enjoyed watching each other grow into adulthood.

3.  The One Who God Knew You Needed: You probably call this person your "soul mate." You probably met her at a time when your paths were destined to cross.  You probably had no idea how alike you were, or how different.  You probably had no idea the things you would go through, together and personally.  You probably had no idea that this person would pull you from the deepest, darkest times in your life, simply by being there.  You probably hope you did this for her too, when she needed it.  When you look back on the course of your friendship, you will know that God put her straight in your path, and you in hers.  And your life has been so much better because of that.

4. The One Who Is Your Person: Although you likely met her well into adulthood, you still know how to have a good time together.  She's seen you through your career, the end of relationships and the beginning of new ones, and most importantly, she's been alongside you through the journey into motherhood.  She's seen you at your absolute worst, but she always reminds you of when you've been your best.  She holds you accountable.  She knows what you're thinking.  She knows what you'll say before you even say it.  You can pass a look (maybe at a staff meeting) and she knows exactly what you're saying. She is your rock.  She is a forever friend.  Hold onto her.

5. The One Who Married Your Sibling: God bless this girl (or guy, if you don't have any brothers). This person became possessed married your sibling.  She fits into your family like she was always supposed to be there.  She loves your children.  She helped make you an aunt for the first time. She doesn't get grossed out when your dad does weird stuff.  She goes on shopping trips with you.  She supports and encourages you.  But most importantly, this person is the one your sibling chose to do life with, and you love them simply because your brother or sister loves them.

6.  The One Who Knows What It's Like To Live With Your Husband:  This friend knows what it's like to live with your husband, because she suffered through it did it as a child. You were probably worried the first time you met her, but ever since then, friendship with her has been easy.  Hopefully, you have more in common with her than you ever imagined.  Hopefully she appreciates you and treats you like you were always supposed to be a part of her family.  She will love your children like they are her own.  She will not be afraid to tell your husband like it is.  She will be a part of your theme wedding without question. She will go on wine-tasting trips with you.  She'll be someone that you would have probably been friends with, even if you didn't marry her brother.

7.  The One Who Is Your Mama: Dear girl, I know what is in store for us.  One day you will be a teenager and you will think that I am the biggest idiot to ever live.  I know this, because this is how I felt about your Nana from about 1996-2001 (give or take a few years). I know that we will have our issues and our differences, but I will never, ever think you are anything but amazing.  I hope and pray that one day you will think of me like I think of your Nana.  She's gone from being the person I thought  understood me least of anyone to the person I trust with my most deepest wishes, dreams, secrets and prayers.  I know that your Nana is the one I can turn to with anything.  She will listen with love instead of judgment.  She will give advice when she thinks it's best, but sometimes she will just listen, and that will be all I need.  I pray every single day that I will one day share this friendship with you.

8.  The One You Are Married To: Out of all of these types of friends, this one is the most important.  I hope that you meet this man at a point in your life when you're ready for the depths that this friendship will go to.  I hope that you begin a friendship first, which you may very quickly realize is so much more.  I hope and pray that he will treat you like the gift from God that you are.  I hope that he keeps you grounded and holds you accountable.  I hope that he confides in you about everything.  I hope that he is the best friend you've ever had, because that is the way it should be.  Last of all, I hope for your sake, and especially his, that your daddy likes him.  A lot.

Friendship is one of the most important parts of my life.  I could write paragraphs for so many more friends that have blessed my life.  Friends shape our lives at every stage.  Sometimes it takes looking back on life to realize that, but it happens all the same.  I am so thankful that I have these friendships. I can't wait for my sweet girl to know the joy of a best friend.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

Evergreen...Eventually

**Yesterday my dearest friend Kelly asked me if I had been blogging lately.  I told her no, because I hadn't had anything to inspire a blog lately.  Her reply was, "Umm.  That's odd." What can I say? The girl knows me.  I told her that I guessed I would just wait until the s@!# hit the fan before I wrote another blog.  Well folks, the s$#@ has indeed hit the van. So, without further delay, this one is for you Kelly!**

Several months ago, Bradley and I decided that we were ready for a new home.  We first debated on the build/buy issue.  After lots of thoughtful consideration, we decided that we would buy now, have more babies, save more money, end poverty, save the world, adopt homeless animals, find a house plan that we could agree on, and then we would build our forever dream house.  Honestly, I just wasn't sure that our marriage could stand the true test that is building a home together.  Then again, maybe I just wasn't sure Bradley would survive.

I was happy that we decided to buy.  Choosing floor plans and light fixtures and toilet seats (oh my!) is just not my jam.  Through a Luckey family friend, we met our absolutely incredible realtor.  (If you'd like his name, I will happily share it, but I think I'll leave him out of my rant...er, blog.)  This poor man had his work cut out for him from Day 1.  To say that my husband is high maintenance when it comes to certain things would not do it justice.  Buying a house, as it turns out, really brings out the diva in Mr. Luckey.  He was constantly on the phone with our realtor or sending emails with lists of multiple houses that we'd like to see ASAP.  This man took us to at least 20 houses over the course of a few short weeks.  Like two weeks, poor guy.  He made our schedule work, he dealt with our never-ending tardiness and he even held Emma when we had to take her along to see houses.

We had all but given up hope.  I would love a house that Bradley would hate, and vice versa.  It just wasn't working out.  We had decided that we would continue living in The Shack at Beard Avenue, which is what I decided to start calling it, and we would go back to the search for a house plan so that we could build.  I like to think that I possess quite a few highly-favored virtues, but patience has never been one of them.  The thought of searching for a house plan and then getting bids from builders and then waiting for the house to be built was just not appealing to me at all.  

Obviously, my God knows that I am not a patient woman.  Just when we'd given up hope, someone posted a link on Facebook to a home for sale in Trinity.  There was even a video tour.  I looked at it several times.  It was old.  Like, really old.  But it was charming.  It had land.  It was in the school district that we wanted to be in.  Reluctantly, I showed the listing to Bradley.  He didn't hate it either.  Quite the contrary, he loved it.  He was ready to make an offer before even seeing the house.  We called our realtor right away and made an appointment to see the house on Saturday.  As I've come to find out now, we almost didn't get to see the house because there were so many showings already scheduled.

Another virtue that I am not necessarily ready to write a book on is optimism.  My proverbial glass is perpetually half-empty. In two days time, I allowed myself to list all of the negatives about this house before I even laid eyes on it.  It was old.  It wasn't brick.  It was old.  It would be a money pit. It was old.  It was too far from civilization.  It was old.  You get the idea.  I had my mind made up that I was going to hate this house.  Bradley was already in love with it.  This was going to be bad.

Saturday arrived.  We saw the house.  I really saw the house. I didn't see it for everything that it was, but everything that it could be....would be, if we made it our home.  So we did.  We made an offer that night, and by Monday morning we were officially under contract.  We closed on March 31st and were officially the proud owners of the Farmhouse at Evergreen and The Shack at Beard Avenue.

We, meaning Bradley, immediately left the closing attorney's office and went to start pulling up carpet.  We found beautiful heart pine floors underneath dirty carpet.  Thank you, Jesus! The day we closed, our "floor guy" came and started his initial estimate of repairs/replacements of the flooring.  He gave us an estimate, we paid a deposit, replacement floor was ordered and life at Evergreen seemed imminent.  We hired a painter to paint over the rainbow of colors in the Evergreen house.  Y'all  know I love rainbows, but this house needed to be painted.  She started and finished in a week and half.  It looks like a new house, beautifully painted in perfect colors just waiting for a family to get there and love it....

Which (finally) leads me to the s*!@ hitting the fan.  Apparently, flooring doesn't just manifest itself when needed.  There are steps.  Seeking out the right wood, sending it to be milled, delivering said milled wood, and then allowing it to sit in the home for 3 weeks to, get this....acclimate to the environment.  If there were a pile of wood sitting on the floor at our new home, I wouldn't be writing this blog.  We are nearing the 2 month mark since closing and there is no pile of wood at my house.  We have been assured it will be there Monday.  We shall see.

One of the (virtues?) I do happen to possess is eagerness.  Maybe over-eagerness? Once we went under contract, I started packing.  I packed up things that I knew we wouldn't need.  (We have had to open approximately 12 boxes to retrieve things that I knew we wouldn't need).  The Shack at Beard Avenue is tiny for 3 people.  Add boxes everywhere and two useless dogs and things get hectic.  Needless to say, my over-eagerness has caused a lot of overstressed people in our house to be thrusted to their wits end.

I whine about all of these things to get to my point.  We will have our house at Evergreen...eventually.  It will be everything we dreamed of and more...eventually.  We will sell The Shack at Beard Avenue...eventually.  Eventually, this little house that was Emma's first home will be someone else's.  Eventually, these boxes will be unpacked, a house will be made a home, and we will find new things to stress about, because that's what we do.  Eventually, we will be making new memories and forget all about the time in between; the dot, dot, dots... (The ... is actually called an ellipsis, which I have had to explain to my husband/blog editor multiple times.)

When my stress seems like it will boil over at any moment, I promise to read this blog and remind myself that God is our provision at all times.  He provides us with a home to keep us safe through our dot, dot, dots. He provides us with family to love us through our dot, dot, dots.  He provides us with sunshine and Nana's swimming pool to survive our dot, dot, dots.  He provides us with promise of something that we never dreamed of, but something that He knew all along.  He is the start.  He is the finish.  He is everything that doesn't need to be said.  He is our dot, dot, dots.

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Ecclesiastes 7:8

This is CAT. She came with the house :)


Thanks for this, my sweet Kelly!

You "Don't" Say.... (Part 1)

Bradley and I are approaching our 2nd wedding anniversary. We assume that most couples two years in have not had the opportunity to experience all of the life changes we have (i.e.  starting a business, getting married, having a baby, leaving a career, buying a house).  Tackling all of these things within our first two years of marriage has been no easy feat.

These are all things that this man I love, this man that God planned for me, this incredibly giving and generous man, has opened his mouth and said to me over the last 2 years. We actually wrote this blog together...sort of. He gave me "the list" and I provided the commentary. I love him more every single day.  I can't imagine my life without him.  And I hope he has learned as much in these last 2 years as I have. I will be in big trouble if he ever decides to write a blog...

1. "Are you mad at me?"

This is Bradley's favorite. Clearly the man is wise to my ways, because he can tell when I am even the slightest bit miffed. Well, now that you mentioned it sweetheart, yes, I am mad at you. Why on earth would you ever say this to a woman? Of course I am mad at you. Give me a minute and I will tell you why...

If you just assume that I am always mad at you for something, you may find yourself on the fun side of "making up" more often (wink, wink). 

2. "Can you sew up my pants?"

Bradley's job takes him outside a lot. He has several pair of "field pants" that have special legs that keep him from getting scratched by plants, bitten by bugs, and swallowed by quicksand, I imagine. His cheapness, however, prevents him from replacing these pants when they need  to be replaced. You have obviously lost your dang mind if you ask this one. Sure dear. In between serving dinner, cleaning up from dinner, feeding the dogs, cleaning up the dog pee, changing the diapers and washing your disgusting clothes, I would be more than happy to {watch a Martha Stewart YouTube video and} sew your pants. 

3.  "I understand."

Excuse me while I freaking LOL.  In no way will you ever even have the slightest clue, inkling or idea. You most definitely do not understand. Until you grow ovaries, breastfeed an infant, or have to shave your legs (in the summer), you will never understand. 

4. "I am so tired/exhausted/worn out." 

Oh really? So then you aren't the one who began snoring at 8 pm? Did you get up with the baby at 11pm, 12am, 1am (you get the idea)? Did you have to get up at 4am because your boobs hurt so bad and literally connect yourself to a machine that squeezes milk from your body?  Please.

5.  "You need to ______."

You obviously have a death wish if you utter these words. Let me tell you what I need to do. I need to sleep, pee, poop, eat, and shower. Just know that whatever you think I need to do will likely never happen if you say it out loud. 

6. "It's freezing in here."

I'm so sorry you are cold. Let me go adjust the thermostat to the 8th-level-of-purgatory hotness that would make you comfortable. Never mind that I have to sleep with a nursing bra on, spend half of the night with a child wrapped around me, and lay next to your body, which, while I love, tends to send out heat rays that would challenge the fires of hell. 

7.  "Your hormones are all out of whack."

Can you even tell me which part of my body these hormones generate from? That's what I thought. I welcome you to spend 9 months growing a child, eating for two, making dozens of visits to the doctor, and creating a "birth plan," only to have 1 minutes notice before you are put to sleep, your body is cut open, and a human being is taken out and almost immediately attached to your breast. Then we can talk about my hormones. 

***Before anyone gets bent out of shape over any of this, I have to tell you that Bradley is truly my best and most devoted  friend. I would never say anything that would hurt him, so I let him read all of my blogs before I publish them. This one was actually his idea, because we can look back on our experience as newlyweds and first time parents and we can laugh about it. We can cry too, but mostly we can laugh. These past 2 years have taught us so much about ourselves, our marriage, and our faith in God's plan over our plans. There is no one on earth that I would rather spend this life with, no one I would rather parent with, and no one I would rather tell to think before he speaks. 

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth."  1 John 3:18